The Meaning Behind: C to Shining Sea & the Journey Through "Hel" to Get There.
Updated: Oct 25, 2019
Hello beautiful, I am so grateful that you are here. Let me start by introducing myself. I am Chelsea Leigh, a free spirited, empathic, loving soul in a 24 year old body, who is ready to share her story with the intention of reminding you that you are not alone, you are enough, and that through darkness there is light. Mmm, what a gift it is to be living, and breathing, floating in this human experience. I didn't always feel this way, however. Getting to where I am today; free flowing & glowing (shining sea), involved drowning in my own ocean of self destruction, and navigating through that darkness ("Hel") to find the strength and confidence to swim back up into the light. My name, broken down, C-hel-sea, "C to shining sea," is simply a metaphor of my story thus far. In the light of this sacred sea, I gracefully float; it felt like hell to get here, but I refuse to sink.
"Hel," my own ocean of self destruction goes very, very deep. But for now, I will skim the surface.
At the age of 17, I sank into the consumption of a monstrous eating disorder that nearly lead to my demise. At the age of 19, I was diagnosed with ADD and eventually became dependent and addicted to the medication that had at one point, brought my head above water to catch my breath. I experienced heartbreak, and chose to suppress and bypass the pain. On most days, I was flying on stimulant energy, never taking a moment to pause. On most nights, I drowned my emotions in glasses, or even bottles of wine. When my wounds would break open, I would easily stitch them up with a shopping spree and a face full of make up. I began to reach for validation in the eyes of men who saw me as nothing more than a sexy body, and ran away from the men who recognized my beautiful soul. I became attached to a past lover and the toxicity of our cyclical relationship. I started working in a sales job where I defined my worth based on each paycheck I received, and the title of my position. All of the above, eventually spiraled out of control all at once. I isolated. I pushed people away, and I pushed my highest self away.
Everything felt so comfortable, so satisfying, and so safe.
My heart began to whisper, "come home to yourself," "stop drinking," "get off of your medication," and "leave your job" louder and louder by the day. Something inside of me wanted to honor this angelic voice, but the fear of letting go was crippling. If I were to let go of these habits, who would I be? My ego told me I would be not good enough. My ego told me I would be a failure. My ego told me I would be broke. My heart told me I would be free.
It took me $5,000, a solo trip to Bali & a week with Trevor Hall to honor the whisper of my heart, and vow to myself that it was time to float. I knew that getting away from home would gift me the space to reflect and recenter myself. My time in Bali provided me a glimpse into what it looks and feels like to be free from self destruction, and I wanted to carry that freedom with me when I got home. This meant I had to quit drinking. I had to release my dependency on stimulants. I had to leave someone I loved so deeply because the toxic cycle of our relationship pushed me under water. It pushed him under, too. I had to cut the chord of an ancestral cycle which was showing up in that relationship. I had to leave the job that provided me financial stability. I had to let go of all external validation, and look within.
I put all of my trust out into the universe to watch over me as I release myself from the chains that were anchoring me into the ocean of my self destructive patterns.
Breaking free from these destructive habits and environments was the peak of my personal hell.
Why? Because change was scary. I was alone. I was silent. I didn't ask for help. My ego reminded me that I needed to keep everything a secret because, well, if I didn't, the ego would lose power. I went through moments and phases where I questioned everything and thought about slipping back into darkness. I went through moments and phases where I did slip back into darkness. I had no one but myself and the universe to hold me accountable, and that was very challenging. But, the universe held me, supported me, and guided towards the light.
In this light, I make the conscious decision to love myself every morning.
In this light, I dance through my emotions.
In this light, I flow through yoga and meditation.
In this light, I nourish my mind, body, and soul.
In this light, I am held in community.
In this light, I hold space for others with an open, loving heart.
In this light, I look within.
In this light, I am alive.
In this light, I am free.
In this light, I am enough.
In this light, I refuse to sink.